God Almighty has been sending revelation to mankind since Adam and Eve (The first human beings he created who are our true mother and father). From one revelation to another the faith was the same regardless of the label people attached to it- We are to submit our lives in worship solely to the will of our Almighty Creator who gave us our lives and has given us countless blessings- This concept is known in Arabic as “Islam”. On the other hand, God Almighty sent some different laws to the different nations.
One fundamental law that was always the same is that marriage is between a man and a woman and that their relationship forms the pillar of family life. In the Qur’an, God Almighty repeats himself over and over about the fact that He created Adam and immediately followed this with the creation of Eve who was to be his spouse and life companion.
“Oh mankind, be conscious of your Lord, who created you from one person (Adam) and created from this person his mate (Eve) and dispersed from both of them many men and women. And Fear God in whose name you ask your rights and keep the ties of the womb. Indeed God is Ever-Observant over you.” (Qur’an 4:1)
It is clear from the stated verse that God Almighty intended for mankind to be dispersed from a man and a woman. He intended for this to be more than a mere sexual relationship. Marriage is to be a strong bond built on love, compassion and understanding.
“And of His signs is that He created mates from you; that you may find tranquility in them. And He has placed between you Love and Mercy. Indeed in that are signs for people who think.”(Qur’an 30:21)
Once we have established that Marriage is between a man and a woman, we must clarify how a Muslim enters this divine union. It is true that God has taught us that boy-friend girl-friend relationships are forbidden. It is a fact that once teens reach puberty they are thinking about sex. The Prophet teaches how to del with these new inclinations-“Whoever can take care of a wife (financially and emotionally) then he should marry. That will help you to lower your gaze and protect your chastity. And whoever isn’t able then they should fast because fasting diminishes the sexual drive.”(Bukhari)
God Almighty has categorically forbidden adultery and fornication of all kinds. It is a well-known principle in Islam that anything which can lead to a prohibited act is also forbidden.
“And do not approach fornication. Indeed, it has always been immoral and it is the evil way (of sexual intercourse)”(Qur’an 17:32)
The Prophet (pbuh) warns us-
“If a man is alone with a woman who is not familiar to him (wife, mother, sister, etc…), then Satan will be their companion” (Tirmidhi)
Sexual intercourse was meant to be through the bond of marriage as the supreme physical bondage which leads to the creation of a family which will intect based upon the bonds of marriage. In Islam there is a different way to find our mates. It must be done through our family or the local Islamic Center.
For example:
When a young man has reached the maturity and ability (financially) to marry, he will inform his parents of what kind of woman he would like to marry with faith and morals at the top of the list (as well as age, race, nationality, education, looks, family background). They will begin to look for a Muslim woman who they have good relations with. This is so the families will be close. When they find a woman, they introduce them formally and they may talk under supervision (not necessarily in the room with the parents, but somewhere in the house). After the initial meeting, if they like each others first impressions, then they will meet again (if not they just keep searching).
In this meeting they should begin to talk about what they expect in a spouse, this may take two or three visits. If they think they are compatible, then the parents who also got to know one another may talk with them about their observations. If everyone agrees then there might be an engagement of up tp a few months, although the shorter ithe better. During this period, they may talk on the phone or e-mail (they are not to be together unsupervised) and they also get to know each others families as well. During this time they continuously make a special prayer for God to guide them to marriage if it is best for their lives and hereafter and to make them take their separate paths if it is not good for them. At the end of this, if they are still compatible then they will be married. Having never been alone, never kissed, and never touched one another.
This may sound strange and many modernists may say: They don’t know anything about living together or romance, so this is not an effective methodology. My answer is that once they find compatibility after these steps, as Muslims, they are aware that life is full of tests and the nature of humans is differences of opinion and nature. So they are prepared to make Jihad (struggle and strive for a righteous cause) in order to learn to love one another and be understanding and fair toward each other.
This “Jihad” is to establish a good family of mutual love and understanding where Islam nurtures all involved by following the guidance of the Book of God and applying the example of His Last Messenger.
So when they are ready to get married. There are certain conditions to fulfill the contract. First the man must offer his hand to the prospective woman in front of a pious Muslim who will begin with a supplication and recite some verses of the Qur’an. If she hasn’t been married, then she must have a gaurdian (preferrably her father) accept on her behalf. The father must consult the girl and if she refuses he is not to force her to spend the rest of her life with someone she doesn’t want to. The Prophet said-
“…A virgin is not to be married except after seeking her permission. The Prophet’s (PBUH) companions then asked ‘How does she permit?’ The Prophet (PBUH) replied ‘She is silent (when asked if she is interested).”(Bukhari)
“A young virgin woman came to the Prophet and complained that her father forced her to marry her cousin and the Prophet gave her the decision to annul the marraige or stay married.”(Abu Dawood #2096)
If the woman accepts, then they must agree upon a dowry which can be as much as the woman likes within reason. In addition to that, there must be two pious witnesses who testify to their knowledge of the marraige. Once these steps are completed they are legally married and may enjoy each others companionship with no restrictions. After the contract is complete, they must invite local family and friends to attend a wedding party known as a “waleemah” or the feast which will announce to the general public the marraige. The Waleemah is segregated men and women to themselves. This is so that women may beautify themselves in comfort without having to worry about men.
The relationship between the married couple is described in a very concise eloquent sentence
“And they are the clothing for you as you are clothing for them.” (Qur’an 2:187)
This beautiful verse communicates the meanings of closeness, adhering to each other, warmness, protecting and covering that which they don’t want others to know about, and finally making each other look nice.
They must work to build on their love and mutual understanding. The Prophet said-
“The best among you are those who are best to their spouses…”(Bukhari)
Marriage God Almighty has been sending revelation to mankind since Adam and Eve (The first human beings he created who are our true mother and father). From one revelation to another the faith was the same regardless of the label people attached to it- We are to submit our lives in worship solely to the will of our Almighty Creator who gave us our lives and has given us countless blessings- This concept is known in Arabic as “Islam”. On the other hand, God Almighty sent some different laws to the different nations.One fundamental law that was always the same is that marriage is between a man and a woman and that their relationship forms the pillar of family life. In the Qur’an, God Almighty repeats himself over and over about the fact that He created Adam and immediately followed this with the creation of Eve who was to be his spouse and life companion.
“Oh mankind, be conscious of your Lord, who created you from one person (Adam) and created from this person his mate (Eve) and dispersed from both of them many men and women. And Fear God in whose name you ask your rights and keep the ties of the womb. Indeed God is Ever-Observant over you.” (Qur’an 4:1)It is clear from the stated verse that God Almighty intended for mankind to be dispersed from a man and a woman. He intended for this to be more than a mere sexual relationship. Marriage is to be a strong bond built on love, compassion and understanding.
“And of His signs is that He created mates from you; that you may find tranquility in them. And He has placed between you Love and Mercy. Indeed in that are signs for people who think.”(Qur’an 30:21)Once we have established that Marriage is between a man and a woman, we must clarify how a Muslim enters this divine union. It is true that God has taught us that boy-friend girl-friend relationships are forbidden. It is a fact that once teens reach puberty they are thinking about sex. The Prophet teaches how to del with these new inclinations-
“Whoever can take care of a wife (financially and emotionally) then he should marry. That will help you to lower your gaze and protect your chastity. And whoever isn’t able then they should fast because fasting diminishes the sexual drive.”(Bukhari)God Almighty has categorically forbidden adultery and fornication of all kinds. It is a well-known principle in Islam that anything which can lead to a prohibited act is also forbidden.”And do not approach fornication. Indeed, it has always been immoral and it is the evil way (of sexual intercourse)”(Qur’an 17:32)The Prophet (pbuh) warns us-”If a man is alone with a woman who is not familiar to him (wife, mother, sister, etc…), then Satan will be their companion” (Tirmidhi)
Sexual intercourse was meant to be through the bond of marriage as the supreme physical bondage which leads to the creation of a family which will intect based upon the bonds of marriage. In Islam there is a different way to find our mates. It must be done through our family or the local Islamic Center.
For example:
When a young man has reached the maturity and ability (financially) to marry, he will inform his parents of what kind of woman he would like to marry with faith and morals at the top of the list (as well as age, race, nationality, education, looks, family background). They will begin to look for a Muslim woman who they have good relations with. This is so the families will be close. When they find a woman, they introduce them formally and they may talk under supervision (not necessarily in the room with the parents, but somewhere in the house). After the initial meeting, if they like each others first impressions, then they will meet again (if not they just keep searching).
In this meeting they should begin to talk about what they expect in a spouse, this may take two or three visits. If they think they are compatible, then the parents who also got to know one another may talk with them about their observations. If everyone agrees then there might be an engagement of up tp a few months, although the shorter ithe better. During this period, they may talk on the phone or e-mail
(they are not to be together unsupervised) and they also get to know each others families as well. During this time they continuously make a special prayer for God to guide them to marriage if it is best for their lives and hereafter and to make them take their separate paths if it is not good for them. At the end of this, if they are still compatible then they will be married. Having never been alone, never kissed, and never touched one another.
This may sound strange and many modernists may say: They don’t know anything about living together or romance, so this is not an effective methodology. My answer is that once they find compatibility after these steps, as Muslims, they are aware that life is full of tests and the nature of humans is differences of opinion and nature. So they are prepared to make Jihad (struggle and strive for a righteous cause) in order to learn to love one another and be understanding and fair toward each other.
This “Jihad” is to establish a good family of mutual love and understanding where Islam nurtures all involved by following the guidance of the Book of God and applying the example of His Last Messenger.So when they are ready to get married. There are certain conditions to fulfill the contract. First the man must offer his hand to the prospective woman in front of a pious Muslim who will begin with a supplication and recite some verses of the Qur’an. If she hasn’t been married, then she must have a gaurdian (preferrably her father) accept on her behalf. The father must consult the girl and if she refuses he is not to force her to spend the rest of her life with someone she doesn’t want to.
The Prophet said-”…A virgin is not to be married except after seeking her permission. The Prophet’s (PBUH) companions then asked ‘How does she permit?’ The Prophet (PBUH) replied ‘She is silent (when asked if she is interested).”(Bukhari)”A young virgin woman came to the Prophet and complained that her father forced her to marry her cousin and the Prophet gave her the decision to annul the marraige or stay married.”(Abu Dawood #2096)
If the woman accepts, then they must agree upon a dowry which can be as much as the woman likes within reason. In addition to that, there must be two pious witnesses who testify to their knowledge of the marraige. Once these steps are completed they are legally married and may enjoy each others companionship with no restrictions. After the contract is complete, they must invite local family and friends to attend a wedding party known as a “waleemah” or the feast which will announce to the general public the marraige. The Waleemah is segregated men and women to themselves. This is so that women may beautify themselves in comfort without having to worry about men.
The relationship between the married couple is described in a very concise eloquent sentence
“And they are the clothing for you as you are clothing for them.” (Qur’an 2:187)
This beautiful verse communicates the meanings of closeness, adhering to each other, warmness, protecting and covering that which they don’t want others to know about, and finally making each other look nice.
They must work to build on their love and mutual understanding. The Prophet said-
“The best among you are those who are best to their spouses…”(Bukhari)
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